This is a Shitpost about Frogs.

I’m in a mood.  You get a shitpost about frogs because of it.  I hyperlinked all my sources, because I didn’t get an English degree to not include references, ya loser.

Did you know:

There are over 5,000 species of frogs?  They will inherit the earth and eat all the flies.

In Egypt, frogs are a symbol of fertility.  Beyoncé bathes in frogs.  The cure for feminists who don’t want babies is a cocktail of frog water, vodka, and ice cubes.  Frogs love babies, it’s why they have so many all at once.  Tadpoles, I’m talking about tadpoles.

Don’t mind my kid brother, he always poppin’ off.

Frogs love Chance the Rapper.  Coincidentally, frogs in human suits curate the Grammy’s.  Not-so-coincidentally, Chance the Rapper is excellent at his craft.

A group of frogs is called an army.  An army of frogs is a weird joke about French people and their apparent military incapability.  An army of creatures with webbed toes is called a family reunion in Arkansas.

On his shit list.

They’re amphibians!  I’m not.  Though I also cannot make a habitat in Antartica and most Oceanic islands.

This I just straight up copy and pasted because shit’s wild:  When Darwin’s frog tadpoles hatch, a male frog swallows the tadpoles. He keeps the tiny amphibians in his vocal sac for about 60 days to allow them to grow. He then proceeds to cough up tiny, fully formed frogs.  Can.  You.  Imagine. Vomiting Up Your Own Young?  My GOD.  The world is incredible.

Oh hey just froggin’ out being a frog on this leaf just an orange and blue frog nothing to see here I’m darling. 

Frogs do not commune with Satan, but he is in their favorites list on their phones.  Just in case.

Moo, I am cow!  Haha, no I lay eggs and freak out young girls I am FROG. 

I have very little experience with frogs.  We mostly encounter toads in Texas.  The stars at night are big and bright, and the toads’ll give ya warts.

If I were a frog, I’d be one of those transparent ones because you can SEE MY INSIDES AND MY FEELINGS.  GLASS SKIN, LOOK AT MY LIVER AND IMBALANCED EMOTIONAL STATE.

I like frogs.  I love you.  I’ve had a pretty wild week, but haven’t we all?

Let’s talk about creativity the next time we meet.  Let’s talk creation and fear and relationship and that stuff.

Where we going next?

I don’t know, but I love you.  I miss you.  I hope to see you soon.


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